


Shame

by nanjcsy



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Atonement Walk, Thoughts of Violence, bad language, rambling thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-06
Updated: 2016-05-06
Packaged: 2018-06-06 18:35:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6765220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nanjcsy/pseuds/nanjcsy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I really wondered at her thoughts as she walked. Yes, I read the book and understand what she actually thought. But I am basing this only off show verse, off what we saw only. This is my personal interpretation of that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shame

None of the words mattered. None of the people lining so many streets. These dusty judgemental relics that dare to rebel do not matter. Tommen. Reaching the Red Keep. That matters. Battered, dehydrated and nearly starved pale flesh shrinking from air and eyes do not matter. The first step is not nearly as hard as Cersei thought. Her eyes were focused only upon that one end goal. The shouting, the black dressed men around her trying to keep the crowd back do not matter. The clanging bell and the word behind her do not matter.

SHAME!

_the crowd isn't a crowd it is a monster and it is about to swallow me whole, i cannot make it i can't do this it is like an ocean of hate and filth and shit and it's drowning me where is my father where is my brother where is my is that actual shit in my eye oh my god can you hear them it is a roar oh god they are so close that man his penis touched me they cannot hold them off i will drown-_

SHAME!

**No. I will not drown in fear. I will not give them what they want these filthy diseased animals. These are the creatures you feel deserve your pity and love, High Sparrow? Look at them, look at how they treat a Queen. Look at how they would treat a woman who has lost so much and offers atonement? These are your pool souls that I should care more for? That I should bare my body and secrets too? Can you hear them? Hear the ignorant filth that spews forth shit and did you hear that? What original curses, whore, cunt, bitch, yes, yes, I have heard it all. Fine, I fucked everyone from my dwarf brother to moon boy, so be it. Say what you will, you cannot tarnish what happened with my brother. I don't care. I am halfway home now.**

SHAME

_oh my feet oh god i almost fell that time they would just all eat me alive rip my limbs off like i saw back when joff was alive. can't think this way, can't think this way failure is never an option my god, what if what if...i can't do it. i can't i can't i can't not another step did you just hear what that woman said? that common fucking trollop and she is judging me. they are saying it now saggy breasts, not much of a woman after all wouldn't fuck that thing, what worse diseases rich women have, she is rotted they can smell her and she does reek she stinks she is filthy she is shit and i can't i can't i can't i can't-_

SHAME!

**I CAN'T I CAN'T ANYMORE I CAN'T I CAN'T MY FEET ARE SLIPPING IN FILTH AND BLOOD AND CAN'T YOU HEAR CAN'T YOU SEE HOW THEY SEE ME HOW THEY WRINKLE THEIR NOSES AT MY STENCH AND JUST LET LET THEM HAVE ME-**

SHAME!

**Wait. No. What if Tyrion is somewhere out there and hears this story? I can see how he would laugh, snorting into his wine the fucking monster. He would love to hear how a city tore me to pieces, how men raped my body while the women smeared shit into my screaming mouth. How they threw my limbs across the city and burned them while dancing and singing. Oh, how he would laugh. And Tommen would be a vulnerable aching boy just a lamb waiting to be slaughtered. What if Tyrion came back before Jamie? What if Tommen fell to the same holy force that got her? No. Fuck them. Fuck all of them. I have saggy breasts? I have fed three children of royalty from them. I have scars on my flaccid belly? I gave birth to the most important children in the South or North. My feet hurt, so did delivering my children. So did burying my son, so did watching him die in my arms. It hurt to be in a cell unable to reach my child. It hurt to allow my daughter to be taken from me. I have hurt all my life, go on. My brother lost his hand. I gave him a new golden one. If my feet are not repairable I will make lovely golden ones.**

SHAME!

_almost there, almost there, look how close we are. the winding tunnels and stairs, so many fucking stairs and inclines. i hurt and something is burning in my eye and i am sobbing there is snot running from my face. i cannot even wipe my face clean, there is so much filth on my arms and hands now. i haven't one mark of the birch stick in that cunt's hand, not one, i haven't changed my pose except when i slip. and then i stand and move. you cannot break me and oh gods they are closer and hands are yanking my breasts, scratching at my arms and so many spit in my face. they are going to rip me apart before i get to my son! i can't panic now not now i cannot break into a run and i can't start to scream back at these animals i am almost there. i'll never make it they are grabbing me and will pull me apart!_

SHAME!

**One more. One more. Just one more. Another. Almost there. Think of setting fire to all these sick creatures around you. One more step. Think of taking that withered old bitch's bell and shoving it up her ass while ripping her throat out with your teeth. Drinking all that hot blood, probably taste bitter. But I am so thirsty it would be welcome. That is what I will do. One more step.**

SHAME!

_i will have them all wiped out but the high sparrow and this bell clanging bitch. i am going to personally help them meet their Gods. i will make the wretched sparrow watch as i rip her throat out and drink her blood slowly. i will be hellfire like they have never seen, do these people think they get away with such things to me? i will make them all pay oh the things i will do to them. my feet hurt, they have never hurt i have never hurt like this never felt or smelled this way i am almost but i can't maybe this is where i fail i can't stop sobbing and what if i can't make it-_

SHAME!

**Home.**


End file.
